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My Dating PatternMy Dating Pattern (Before Everything Changed)
For context, finding men was never the problem. Finding the right ones was.
I was always popular with the opposite sex. I always had options. There was always someone interested, someone texting, someone around. If anything, I had too many situations and not enough actual relationships.
My problem was that I couldn’t find normal men.
The first guy cheated on me when I went to the US to be a counselor in a summer camp. I came back and found out.
The second guy also cheated. That one broke me.
Then came Daniel. I was in love with him for five years. Nothing stable ever came out of it. I stayed way longer than I should have.
After that came Steve. Trips, restaurants, living together. Looked serious. Was not serious. He didn’t want to commit.
We broke up.
I was sad, but not destroyed like before. That was new.
Operation Boyfriend
After that breakup I decided I’m not doing this randomly anymore.
I literally called it “operation boyfriend”.
The rule was simple. I’m looking for a serious relationship and I’m not ignoring reality anymore.
No more guessing. No more hoping someone will change.
What I Actually Did After Reading the Book
In the apartment I rented after the breakup, there was a book just sitting there.
The Power of the Subconscious Mind.
I didn’t buy it. It wasn’t mine. It was just there.
So I read it.
At night, before sleeping, I would repeat the same sentence in my head. Something specific, for example:
I am in a stable relationship with a man who wants me, chooses me, and is serious about me.
I repeated it again and again until I fell asleep.
I also meditated. Not in some perfect spiritual way. I just sat quietly, focused, and tried to imagine that this relationship already existed. That it was normal for me. That it was not some impossible thing that happens to other women but not to me.
I also prayed. I said a prayer from Tehillim for finding love for 40 nights.
So yes, I was committed. Maybe too committed. But honestly, after years of choosing emotionally unavailable men, being “chill” clearly wasn’t working.
The Grave in Jerusalem
Around the same time, I went to the grave of the Admor of Zvhil in Jerusalem.
The full name is Rabbi Gedalia Moshe Goldman, the fifth Admor of Zvhil. He passed away in 1949 and was buried in the old Sheikh Badr cemetery area in Jerusalem, near the road between Cinema City and the Knesset.
The place became known years later because of a story about a Jewish man from England. According to the story, the Admor came to him in a dream and told him that no one had visited his grave for many years. He was told that if he went there and prayed three times, on Monday, Thursday, and then Monday again, his request would be answered.
The man did it, and his request was fulfilled.
Since then, people started going there for all kinds of requests. Relationships, money, health, children, even passing a driving test. Around the grave there are also thank-you notes from people who believe their prayers were answered.
So obviously, I went for love.
What I Actually Did There
The custom is very specific. You go three times: Monday, Thursday, and the following Monday. You have to get there before sunset. You say the prayer there a few times, and you focus on your request.
And the request has to be specific.
Not “I want love”.
Not “send me someone”.
I asked for a serious relationship. A normal man. Someone who chooses me. Someone who wants commitment. Someone who doesn’t play games.
This was not convenient. I was working full time and I was far from Jerusalem.
One time I woke up at 5am just to get there and still make it to work.
One time I left work early with some excuse so I could make it before sunset.
And one time I didn’t go to work at all. I called in sick.
That’s how serious I was about it.
And yes, I still need to go back and leave a thank-you note.
Dating Even When I Didn’t Feel Like It
At the same time, I didn’t just pray and wait for a man to fall from the sky. I dated.
A lot.
Even when I didn’t feel like it. And most of the time, I didn’t feel like it.
I didn’t want to get dressed. I didn’t want to make small talk. I didn’t want to sit across from another man and answer the same questions again.
But I went anyway.
Because I knew that if I stayed home, nothing would change.
This was part of “operation boyfriend”. Not just hoping. Doing.
What Actually Changed
I stopped treating confusing men like puzzles I needed to solve.
If a guy was unclear, I didn’t chase.
If he was not serious, I didn’t try to convince him.
If he gave me mixed signals, I stepped back.
I paid attention to what men did, not only what they said.
I also stopped getting attached after one good date. One good date is nice. It is not a relationship. I had to remind myself of that.
The biggest change was that I became very clear about what I wanted, and then I acted like a person who actually believed she deserved it.
Not perfectly. I am not a robot.
But consistently.
Conclusion
Looking back, it wasn’t one thing.
It was the book.
It was the meditation.
It was the prayer.
It was going to the grave three times before sunset like a woman on a mission.
It was dating when I really didn’t feel like dating.
And it was finally refusing to waste more years on men who were never going to choose me properly.
That’s what changed things.